Behind Closed Doors
by mortenavida
Summary: In battle, he is Captain America fighting with his team: Iron Man, Thor when he's there , Hulk, Black Widow, and Hawkeye. Off the field, he's Steve Rogers, determined to prove that his team is alive. SR/TS


**Disclaimer**: Avengers characters are the property of Marvel and supporting companies. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Notes**: This came about because Avengers is eating my soul. Un-beta'd (sorry), so there are probably a few mistakes. There also a small mention of Steve/Bucky.

* * *

There was no real spot in Steve's life that he could pinpoint where this started. One minute, he was going down with a plane in order to save the world, the next he was waking up in a SHIELD facility being told it was seventy years later. As soon as he got settled with the fact that everything he loved had died, Fury told him about an attack and a plan, thrusting him into a twisted mix of past and future. He had a new team that functioned more like a pack of rabid dogs than anything else.

It wasn't the same, he thought it would never be the same, so he was angry. He took that anger out on the only member of the team that, so far, seemed to be able to handle it without blowing up and destroying things. The fact that it happened to be Tony Stark just fueled his frustration, giving more bite to his words. His blood boiled and he pushed and he pushed until he hoped the Iron Man would crack.

When he saw the man inside the sleek machine fly a nuke into the void of space, Steve knew he had cracked him. The feeling tight in his chest was not what he expected to feel during this moment and all he wanted was to take back everything he said. In that moment, he realized that he and Tony Stark were similar in their lives, even if it was hard to see that.

Both of them, after all, decided to sacrifice themselves to protect the world. Steve saved it from HYDRA, Tony saved it from SHIELD. Steve survived in the ice, Tony fell lifeless from the sky.

He had never been more grateful to the Hulk than he was in that moment.

He had never lacked trust in a military organization until he saw Tony Stark's scared eyes, asking if anyone had kissed him.

Something in Steve had desperately wanted to kiss him, but he held back. SHIELD did this – it might not have been Nick Fury, but SHIELD had forced this to happen and he almost lost another comrade.

There was still much to do.

He went with the team to confront Loki. He went with the team to get his first taste of American-made foreign food. He went with the team to see Thor and Loki off. And then he went by himself since that's what the team wanted to do.

Steve wanted nothing more than to stay with them and make sure they were alive. Just how he and Bucky made sure they were always alive.

Bucky was dead, but Steve could still feel the heat of his friend's hands, dragging their way up his hips. He could still feel the chapped lips ghosting down his chest. He could still feel as he entered the tight heat of his friend. He could still fucking _hear_ the moans that escaped them both.

The other members of his old team hadn't needed the confirmation that they were alive, not like that. Steve found other ways to confirm their beating hearts, but his way with Bucky had always reassured him the most.

He made it as far as Ohio before he couldn't take the fear that seemed to grip him. He walked into a deserted diner and asked the young woman behind the counter how to work the phone Tony had given him. She showed him, didn't question who he was (or why he didn't know how to work a cell), and then served him some of their apple pie.

Steve ordered a dozen of them for his trip back to New York. He was sure Tony and Bruce would want to taste it and if the two of them didn't, well Steve would just need to force it down their throats. It was damned good apple pie.

Tony hadn't waited a second before sending a plane to pick up Steve. Steve was thrilled when he drove to the nearest air strip, pies piled carefully on the back of his bike, and saw Tony waiting for him at the bottom of the plane's stairs.

He looked alive, he sounded, alive, but Steve needed to _feel_ that he was alive.

As soon as the monitor informed them that it was safe to move around, Steve had a hand in Tony's hair and their foreheads together. He wanted _more_, but didn't know how to ask for it. He wanted to see how different Tony's hands were from Bucky. He wanted to feel the arc reactor pressed against his chest or his back or just any part of his skin. He was desperate to feel that Tony still functioned.

He doubted that Tony understood, even as the distance closed between them and their lips met.

It was _hot_ and _wet_ and _rough_ and so full of _something_ that filled a place in Steve's mind that told him they were both _alive_ and it hurt to know that he hadn't filled that spot before.

Tony made a back-handed comment about a mile-high club, followed by a stern, "I don't do relationships."

Steve had just shrugged and said, "I just want to know that you're alive."

The missions they had been given after that had always ended against a hard surface, Steve buried inside Tony and thrusting harshly against him. Tony never complained, often initiating the contact first. Once, they barely made it out of their uniforms and Tony had caused a large hole in the side of SHIELD headquarters because his gauntlet was still on his arm. Steve's uniform had to go in for rips he hadn't gotten while in battle. Neither man said anything as Fury stared them down.

Natasha caught them once, though she had the decency to corner Steve after he and Tony separated and showered. She simply asked why, and Steve returned with the simple answer as well: to _feel_. If Natasha let him grab her wrist after the next mission, just to feel her pulse under his fingertips, neither of them said anything of it.

Clint found out Steve quirk through Natasha and he wasted no time in stepping up to him and asking what he needed in order to know. Steve stared at him for a long moment before stepping closer and simply resting their foreheads together, breath mingling between them. If Natasha was close by, he would grab her wrist at the same time. Then he would step back from them both and find Tony.

Find Tony and press him against the glass of his workshop, their spunk grinding into the surface with such force that Steve thought it would be impossible to remove. Tony kept a small spec of it at the bottom as a reminder.

Bruce had been the easiest, though Steve didn't know why. All he had to do was look directly into Bruce's eyes and watch the green tint drain away. The reassuring smile the man gave him after helped. Once he had gotten that smile, he would grab Natasha's wrist, count the beats, and let go so he could find Tony.

Find Tony and suck him off in the bathroom outside of Director Fury's office, both of them trying to stay quiet in the echoing room. Neither of them succeeded.

When Thor managed to return to Earth, Steve had been at a loss about what to do. Sure, he was a god and probably couldn't die, but he still itched to _know_. The team went through four missions together before, as their breath mingled, Clint asked why he never checked Thor. Steve backed away faster then. He let go of Natasha wrist after a few seconds. He didn't even wait for the smile that came from Bruce after his eyes turned their normal shade.

He fucked Tony longer, almost softer, that night until the man asked him the same question.

He wondered what he would do with Coulson had the man survived Loki's initial attack.

He stopped wondering that and took Tony into the shower to blow him, needing to forget that he lived more than know that the others were alive.

They had another assignment a week later and, just as Steve turned to watch the green fade from Bruce's eyes, Thor stepped up behind him and pulled him into a tight hug. Steve closed his eyes after Bruce's smile and let out a breath as he felt Natasha's wrist sliding into his grip. Clint's forehead was soon against his. Thor didn't let go.

Then Tony was there. Tony still in his suit, telling them to break it up because it was his turn. Steve opened his eyes just as Thor released him and the other two stepped away. The faceplate (silver because "this suit works better against these bastards") slipped back into the helmet and then Tony was in his space, kissing him.

Kissing him in front of the others.

Steve never felt more alive.


End file.
